...och från fanfiction.net inget nytt
ganska många utdrag ur "Things team 19 are forbidden to do" uppenbarligen var Irukas genin team inte riktigt normalt....
2. No, Kotetsu, it is not funny to attack the ANBU headquarters with paint balls.
3. Nor is it funny to attack the Intelligence headquarters with paint balls. Ibiki, your genin should not know where either of these headquarters are, so stop telling them classified information. Please.
5. Morino Ibiki is not allowed to take another genin team, ever.
6. All establishments in Konoha are hereby banned from selling alcohol to any of the members of Team Nineteen, including Morino Ibiki.
9. Screaming “ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!” will not endear you to the ANBU population, Iruka. Especially not if you actually sound convincing.
11. Flirting with Uchihas will not get them to remove the handcuffs.
12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you “can see his flames of youth more clearly”. Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. Especially if he thinks this a good idea.
15. If any of you find summoning scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of “savior”, the “protection of mankind” and “big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned,” don't sign them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.
16. You do not have the authority to declare war on any nation, even if their genin teams are annoying brats. You are annoying brats, and they don't try to declare war on you.
17. Iruka is banned from making, buying, touching and coming within ten metres of any explosive device. We needed that building.
18. Hengeing into the opposite gender and trying to seduce the jounin from Suna is not a good plan. Even if they fall for it. Ibiki, what is with your team and transvestite tendencies?
19. Opposite gender and anyone from any other village, ever, banned. NO MORE.
24. Iruka, stop addressing the Hokage as your “Pimpmasta”. Especially when you're in front of clients. We've already got one complaint of pedophilia in.
25. Painting on fake wounds and pretending to die on the Mission Room floor endears you to no one. Especially not the person who has to mop up the fake blood.
29. Izumo, you are not allowed to cheer Anko on when she has 'crazy bitch fights in the mud' with Kurenai. We don't care if the jounins were cheering with you.
32. Demonic rituals are prohibited in Konoha. Besides that, what do you really think dancing around a bonfire naked is going to do? Don't answer that, Kotetsu.
33. Your pet squirrel does not outrank the Hokage, and is not entitled to alter your mission orders. Don't even go there.
35. The Aburame are not possessed by their bugs, nor are they planning an evil mutant insect takeover of Konoha, Iruka.
36. Making 'wanted' posters of your superiors is not acceptable behaviour. Especially not when you show them to gullible academy students and Gai.
41. Teaching academy students crude insults in Intelligence hand signals while pretending they are potentially useful phrases is not witty. Especially not when it results in a student telling the Hyuuga clan head to do certain things which aren't anatomically possible. Ibiki, your students shouldn't know the Intelligence hand signals.
42. Getting the ANBU tattoo does not mean you are automatically a part of ANBU. And we can tell that that one's fake.
44. Just because you don't like a client doesn't mean you can hang him from the Hokage Tower by his feet. That's another D-class failed. And you wonder why we don't give you better missions?
46. You are not part of a secret society planning to assassinate all Kages and form one united ninja country. Nor does initiation into this society involve excessive amounts of alcohol (which you aren't allowed to buy anyway – refer to rule 6).
47. Please return the scroll on forbidden jutsus.
49. You are not authorised to issue 'SSS-class missions' sending jounin to Snow Country to 'check if there's still snow'.
53. “If you get to jounin, you get to assassinate little kids!” is not the appropriate way to motivate academy students.
55. Your forehead protector should not be pink and plastic.
57. Shouting out “Let's kill the bastards!” in the middle of a diplomatic mission is not a smart thing to do, Kotetsu. Not even if you then try to justify it by saying you were talking about the spiders.
62. Katon jutsus are not meant to be used to light cigarettes.
63. Stop leaving notes on Kazuhiro's desk, telling him to “follow the white rabbit”. He now seems convinced he's in the Matrix. This is not a good thing.
64. Your “Sexy Dance” is not appropriate while on duty, Izumo. Even if you've got a theme tune.
65. You are not allowed to bet on yourselves in the Chuunin Exams – and especially not when those bets consist of 'will fail spectacularly in the first exam'.
67. Anko and Kakashi should not make “little prodigy babies”. Stop suggesting it to the Elders. They seem to take you seriously.
68. The Mizukage does not want to make you his sex-slaves. Couldn't you come up with a more realistic reason for not wanting to be sent on the escort mission to Mist? Ibiki, you should teach your team to lie better - on second thoughts, forget we ever wrote that.
69. Uchiha Itachi is not the reincarnation of Dracula, however “freaky” you find his eyes.
70. Seriously, stop picking on Itachi. He may only be eight, be he still outranks you. You are not allowed to haze your superiors.
71. Even if they turn really funny colours.
72. You deserved to get stuck in that genjutsu, Iruka.
74. Mission reports should not refer to Morino Ibiki as “our sex-god of a jounin-sensei” for the sake of whatever remaining sanity our Intelligence officers have.
77. Stripping is not an acceptable battle tactic.
78. Even if it worked.
81. You should not know the name of the Head of ANBU, but should you ever come into this knowledge you are not allowed to spraypaint “Haha, your security suxx0rs, -name censored-! We totally found out your name! ANBU failz at life! LOLZ” on the HQ doors.
85. While we recognise the fact that you are collectively a group of idiots, this does not qualify you to write “An Idiot's Guide to Ninja-ing”. Do you know how many civilians have blown themselves up in the past week because of you?
87. ...Why is the Mizukage trying to buy you, Iruka?
88. Konoha is not a democracy and if it was, we wouldn't vote for you.
90. While we understand that cheating is a typical ninja sport, playing fair is for samurai, etc, etc, you are not allowed to have your teammates hidden beneath a genjutsu aiding you in one-on-one fights. Stop trying it.
91. Iruka, you are no longer allowed anywhere near Uchiha Shisui.
92. We don’t care if he’s stalking you. It’s probably your fault somehow.
96. You do not own anyone’s soul. Konoha does not own anyone’s soul. Souls are not collectable items.
101. Konoha is not a soulless enterprise bent on inhibiting creativity in order to create mindless automatons to rule the world. And if we were, we’d appreciate you not revealing our plans to enemy ninja in the middle of the chuunin exams.
102. You’re making us lose clients, you bastards.
103. Okay, seriously Iruka. What the hell did you do to the Mizukage?
104. You are not allowed to join any ninja conspiracies that are not loyal to Konoha, Izumo.
105. This includes the Sunagakure Communists.
106. We don’t care if you’re a founding member.
107. Strangely enough, we don’t think ‘Yellow Flash’ fan merchandise will sell well in Iwa. You’re not allowed to try it.
110. On close observation, we have noted that Team Nineteen has collectively submitted 29 requests for days off in order to attend the funerals of their grandparents this year alone. How stupid do you think we are?
113. Ibiki, your jounin vest should not be neon orange and pink, however many bets you have lost.
117. Don’t ever pretend to be a psychiatrist again Iruka. Ever.
118. While we empathise with your desire to be free of your genin, Ibiki, you are not entitled to auction them off to foreign nations.
119. We don’t want to know where you have a tattoo Kotetsu. We would also like to inform you that the Hokage’s secretary is a fully trained ANBU and at last count has sent in twenty four request forms for your termination.
120. None of you are entitled to maternity leave.
2. No, Kotetsu, it is not funny to attack the ANBU headquarters with paint balls.
3. Nor is it funny to attack the Intelligence headquarters with paint balls. Ibiki, your genin should not know where either of these headquarters are, so stop telling them classified information. Please.
5. Morino Ibiki is not allowed to take another genin team, ever.
6. All establishments in Konoha are hereby banned from selling alcohol to any of the members of Team Nineteen, including Morino Ibiki.
9. Screaming “ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!” will not endear you to the ANBU population, Iruka. Especially not if you actually sound convincing.
11. Flirting with Uchihas will not get them to remove the handcuffs.
12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you “can see his flames of youth more clearly”. Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. Especially if he thinks this a good idea.
15. If any of you find summoning scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of “savior”, the “protection of mankind” and “big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned,” don't sign them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.
16. You do not have the authority to declare war on any nation, even if their genin teams are annoying brats. You are annoying brats, and they don't try to declare war on you.
17. Iruka is banned from making, buying, touching and coming within ten metres of any explosive device. We needed that building.
18. Hengeing into the opposite gender and trying to seduce the jounin from Suna is not a good plan. Even if they fall for it. Ibiki, what is with your team and transvestite tendencies?
19. Opposite gender and anyone from any other village, ever, banned. NO MORE.
24. Iruka, stop addressing the Hokage as your “Pimpmasta”. Especially when you're in front of clients. We've already got one complaint of pedophilia in.
25. Painting on fake wounds and pretending to die on the Mission Room floor endears you to no one. Especially not the person who has to mop up the fake blood.
29. Izumo, you are not allowed to cheer Anko on when she has 'crazy bitch fights in the mud' with Kurenai. We don't care if the jounins were cheering with you.
32. Demonic rituals are prohibited in Konoha. Besides that, what do you really think dancing around a bonfire naked is going to do? Don't answer that, Kotetsu.
33. Your pet squirrel does not outrank the Hokage, and is not entitled to alter your mission orders. Don't even go there.
35. The Aburame are not possessed by their bugs, nor are they planning an evil mutant insect takeover of Konoha, Iruka.
36. Making 'wanted' posters of your superiors is not acceptable behaviour. Especially not when you show them to gullible academy students and Gai.
41. Teaching academy students crude insults in Intelligence hand signals while pretending they are potentially useful phrases is not witty. Especially not when it results in a student telling the Hyuuga clan head to do certain things which aren't anatomically possible. Ibiki, your students shouldn't know the Intelligence hand signals.
42. Getting the ANBU tattoo does not mean you are automatically a part of ANBU. And we can tell that that one's fake.
44. Just because you don't like a client doesn't mean you can hang him from the Hokage Tower by his feet. That's another D-class failed. And you wonder why we don't give you better missions?
46. You are not part of a secret society planning to assassinate all Kages and form one united ninja country. Nor does initiation into this society involve excessive amounts of alcohol (which you aren't allowed to buy anyway – refer to rule 6).
47. Please return the scroll on forbidden jutsus.
49. You are not authorised to issue 'SSS-class missions' sending jounin to Snow Country to 'check if there's still snow'.
53. “If you get to jounin, you get to assassinate little kids!” is not the appropriate way to motivate academy students.
55. Your forehead protector should not be pink and plastic.
57. Shouting out “Let's kill the bastards!” in the middle of a diplomatic mission is not a smart thing to do, Kotetsu. Not even if you then try to justify it by saying you were talking about the spiders.
62. Katon jutsus are not meant to be used to light cigarettes.
63. Stop leaving notes on Kazuhiro's desk, telling him to “follow the white rabbit”. He now seems convinced he's in the Matrix. This is not a good thing.
64. Your “Sexy Dance” is not appropriate while on duty, Izumo. Even if you've got a theme tune.
65. You are not allowed to bet on yourselves in the Chuunin Exams – and especially not when those bets consist of 'will fail spectacularly in the first exam'.
67. Anko and Kakashi should not make “little prodigy babies”. Stop suggesting it to the Elders. They seem to take you seriously.
68. The Mizukage does not want to make you his sex-slaves. Couldn't you come up with a more realistic reason for not wanting to be sent on the escort mission to Mist? Ibiki, you should teach your team to lie better - on second thoughts, forget we ever wrote that.
69. Uchiha Itachi is not the reincarnation of Dracula, however “freaky” you find his eyes.
70. Seriously, stop picking on Itachi. He may only be eight, be he still outranks you. You are not allowed to haze your superiors.
71. Even if they turn really funny colours.
72. You deserved to get stuck in that genjutsu, Iruka.
74. Mission reports should not refer to Morino Ibiki as “our sex-god of a jounin-sensei” for the sake of whatever remaining sanity our Intelligence officers have.
77. Stripping is not an acceptable battle tactic.
78. Even if it worked.
81. You should not know the name of the Head of ANBU, but should you ever come into this knowledge you are not allowed to spraypaint “Haha, your security suxx0rs, -name censored-! We totally found out your name! ANBU failz at life! LOLZ” on the HQ doors.
85. While we recognise the fact that you are collectively a group of idiots, this does not qualify you to write “An Idiot's Guide to Ninja-ing”. Do you know how many civilians have blown themselves up in the past week because of you?
87. ...Why is the Mizukage trying to buy you, Iruka?
88. Konoha is not a democracy and if it was, we wouldn't vote for you.
90. While we understand that cheating is a typical ninja sport, playing fair is for samurai, etc, etc, you are not allowed to have your teammates hidden beneath a genjutsu aiding you in one-on-one fights. Stop trying it.
91. Iruka, you are no longer allowed anywhere near Uchiha Shisui.
92. We don’t care if he’s stalking you. It’s probably your fault somehow.
96. You do not own anyone’s soul. Konoha does not own anyone’s soul. Souls are not collectable items.
101. Konoha is not a soulless enterprise bent on inhibiting creativity in order to create mindless automatons to rule the world. And if we were, we’d appreciate you not revealing our plans to enemy ninja in the middle of the chuunin exams.
102. You’re making us lose clients, you bastards.
103. Okay, seriously Iruka. What the hell did you do to the Mizukage?
104. You are not allowed to join any ninja conspiracies that are not loyal to Konoha, Izumo.
105. This includes the Sunagakure Communists.
106. We don’t care if you’re a founding member.
107. Strangely enough, we don’t think ‘Yellow Flash’ fan merchandise will sell well in Iwa. You’re not allowed to try it.
110. On close observation, we have noted that Team Nineteen has collectively submitted 29 requests for days off in order to attend the funerals of their grandparents this year alone. How stupid do you think we are?
113. Ibiki, your jounin vest should not be neon orange and pink, however many bets you have lost.
117. Don’t ever pretend to be a psychiatrist again Iruka. Ever.
118. While we empathise with your desire to be free of your genin, Ibiki, you are not entitled to auction them off to foreign nations.
119. We don’t want to know where you have a tattoo Kotetsu. We would also like to inform you that the Hokage’s secretary is a fully trained ANBU and at last count has sent in twenty four request forms for your termination.
120. None of you are entitled to maternity leave.
Amy - att bli älskad
Amy drömmer mer än hon är vaken, och till och med då är det en förändrad värld hon ser. Hon kan känna Ehlas gör världen ljusare för henne, döljer stanken av avgaser och stad. Han stänger ute ljudet av bilar och låter fågelkvittret komma fram.
Hon antar att det kan kallas kärlek och är tacksam för det.
Hon minns tiden innan Ehlas då hon studerade människorna runt omkring henne istället för att titta på dem. Hur hennes enda frågor gällande flytten rörde detaljer som räkningar och tvättstugan och inte varför de ville lämmna henne kvar.Hon minns tomma timmar ensam i lägenheten inte vaken men inte heller sovande då hon apatiskt stirrade in i väggen. Maten utan smak, staden utan ljud och människorna utan färger. Hon led inte, men bara för att hon inte visste hur. Allt som fanns var en dov dunkande tomhet innuti som kvävde allt annat.
Nu är allt annorlunda och Ehlas lindar sin själ om hennes i en beskyddande omfamning. Han kommer aldrig överge henne. Han kommer inte ens tänka tanken, ända tills han rycks ut ur hennes kalla döda kropp och då är det ändå över.
Tim fanns också men han var temporär. Han levde på gränsen och hade klarat sig på tur och ren jävlar anamma hitills. Tim ville också beskydda Amy. Han kanske inte kunde fylla hennes öron med fågelsång men han gjorde allt på sitt eget tafatta vis. Hon mindes vagt när han bar ut henne från de brända resterna av kyrkan. Hennes mun hade smakat av blod och aska och inte ens Ehlas kunde stänga ute smärtan och svagheten. Deras kropp var sargad och Ehlas mer än så, han var mer eller mindre söndersliten och kunde inte längre ta hand om dom. Då skrek Tim och i det skriket förstod hon hans betydelse. Det var djuriskt och absolut, en befallning och ett konstaterande.
"Aldrig!" skrek han, "Hör ni det, ni får henne inte. Aldrig!" Hans ögon brann feberaktigt och Amy kände sig trygg när hon sakta sjönk undan från världen.
Ehlas är en röst som viskar i mörkret och skrämmer bort mardrömmar och monster. Han är en trygghet.
men Tim, Tim väcker henne och hon börjar längta efter mer än att bara vara tillfreds.
Tim är världen, Ehlas drömmen och om hon blir tvungen att välja vet hon inte vad hon ska göra
Hon antar att det kan kallas kärlek och är tacksam för det.
Hon minns tiden innan Ehlas då hon studerade människorna runt omkring henne istället för att titta på dem. Hur hennes enda frågor gällande flytten rörde detaljer som räkningar och tvättstugan och inte varför de ville lämmna henne kvar.Hon minns tomma timmar ensam i lägenheten inte vaken men inte heller sovande då hon apatiskt stirrade in i väggen. Maten utan smak, staden utan ljud och människorna utan färger. Hon led inte, men bara för att hon inte visste hur. Allt som fanns var en dov dunkande tomhet innuti som kvävde allt annat.
Nu är allt annorlunda och Ehlas lindar sin själ om hennes i en beskyddande omfamning. Han kommer aldrig överge henne. Han kommer inte ens tänka tanken, ända tills han rycks ut ur hennes kalla döda kropp och då är det ändå över.
Tim fanns också men han var temporär. Han levde på gränsen och hade klarat sig på tur och ren jävlar anamma hitills. Tim ville också beskydda Amy. Han kanske inte kunde fylla hennes öron med fågelsång men han gjorde allt på sitt eget tafatta vis. Hon mindes vagt när han bar ut henne från de brända resterna av kyrkan. Hennes mun hade smakat av blod och aska och inte ens Ehlas kunde stänga ute smärtan och svagheten. Deras kropp var sargad och Ehlas mer än så, han var mer eller mindre söndersliten och kunde inte längre ta hand om dom. Då skrek Tim och i det skriket förstod hon hans betydelse. Det var djuriskt och absolut, en befallning och ett konstaterande.
"Aldrig!" skrek han, "Hör ni det, ni får henne inte. Aldrig!" Hans ögon brann feberaktigt och Amy kände sig trygg när hon sakta sjönk undan från världen.
Ehlas är en röst som viskar i mörkret och skrämmer bort mardrömmar och monster. Han är en trygghet.
men Tim, Tim väcker henne och hon börjar längta efter mer än att bara vara tillfreds.
Tim är världen, Ehlas drömmen och om hon blir tvungen att välja vet hon inte vad hon ska göra
